9 Ways to Stop Feeling Like a Shitty Mom Each Day

By Anneliese King/ @shittymopmmymoments

This is not a recipe blog. I do not have a long story prior to the steps. Let’s just get into it. We don’t have time for the bullshit.

Trigger Warning: capital letters frequently appear

1.) WAKE UP FIRST

If, God forbid, I have the audacity to not wake up prior to my kids, I have two choices. I can request that my master (4) allow me to slowly get out of bed and, cringe, put a bra on first. But this typically results in anything from screams to physical assaults. Let’s be honest, I’m not that quick. And then the baby wakes up. OR. I can do exactly as they say. Immediately rise from bed and start accommodating all of their needs. But, I’m sorry, WHERES THE COFFEE?

So. If I get up early, even if I’m tired, it seriously makes me feel like SUCH A BETTER MOM. I know this is kind of against my whole “self care” mentality, but sometimes self care is actually putting yourself second. Because it’ll make you feel better about yourself. Which can help your mental health. Not always. There is a balance. And it’s impossible to perfect it. But here’s to trying!

2.) HUG YOUR WAY THROUGH THE MORNING

Sometimes I can pinpoint the exact moment where everything went to complete shit: and it’s often MINUTE ONE of the day. It’s almost like my kids are testing me from the beginning, and if I pass they will be nice to me (like, relatively, for some portion of the day), and if I fail they will punish me all day. I can try to fight this, but I’ll never win. So I just give lots of hugs. Hugs for everything. Let’s hug while we pick our cereal. If i prepared and woke up earlier than everyone (step 1) then I am usually calm enough to do this. (Coffee helps).

3.) CHOOSE THEIR HAPPINESS.

I don’t know about you, but I spend a LOT a of time worrying about shit that my kids do not care about. Even if it’s for them, they don’t really see that. I don’t want them to miss their homework bc I don’t want the teacher to think I’m a shit parent. I don’t want them acting like lunatics, aka themselves, in public bc I don’t want to be embarrassed in front of complete strangers that I’ll never see again. I don’t want to be late to school bc it’s super inconvenient for me and again, makes me look like a shit parent. But: sometimes these concerns need to be thrown to the wind.

We really cannot worry about being a few minutes late to things on those extra difficult mornings. So what if it looks bad for work, or it’s annoying at school, or it just generally pisses you off. A few minutes doesn’t actually matter. Not as much as those of us with anxiety think they matter. What matters is that your kid realizes you are going to get through this shit with them, and that you care about how they feel too. Which leads to the part that will make YOU feel less Shitty: everyone will head off to school semi happy. Bc the thing that makes me feel THE MOST Shitty, is usually dependent on how the morning goes. And if they leave mad at me, I feel bad the entire day. And honestly. They probably don’t. They forget immediately. But remember, this is about how to make US not feel shitty.

4.) FRUIT

Feeding my kids is such a stressor for me. I feel bad when they don’t eat well, but forcing them to eat home made meals sometimes just does not work. So when in doubt, I give them fruit. Fruit for every meal. Bc it’s healthy. Yes. It sugary sometimes. But it’s FRUIT. So if my kids are fighting me on any meal, I just offer fruit. And you know what? There isn’t any justifiable reason why you could feel bad about your kids eating fruit.

5.) HAVE IT YOUR WAY

You do not need to follow the typical routine that you think you should be following. For example, bed time stories at night are awesome. But if the end of the day happens to be when you’re at your worst, then fuck it. Pick another time to read them a story so you don’t feel guilty if you race through it at night and don’t enjoy it. Read to them while they eat dinner, or take a bath. Whatever works. Don’t feel like you need to do what you think you’re supposed to do. Another thing is, you don’t have to feed them dinner. I JUST SAID THAT, THIS IS NOT A DREAM.

My kids hate dinner. It’s so hard. I usually load them up with a large snack after school/when they wake up from nap bc that’s when they’re the most hungry. And I try to throw as many food groups in there as a can. That way, if dinner is a fail, who cares. Chips will do. (Or fruit, obviously, see step 4). The goal is for everyone to be happy, right? Your self included. You’ll feel much better going to bed if you didn’t have a 27 minute argument about how many bites your kid still needs to have. It’s just not necessary. Fed is best. Meals are optional.

6.) JUST DO IT

I hate playing. There. I said it. I HATE PLAYING. As a self proclaimed phone addict, worrier and procrastinator, I have the attention span of an infant. I cannot sit on the floor and play trucks without getting lost in my head about all of things I could be doing, should be doing, and most importantly WOULD RATHER BE DOING. I get distracted. But. Every night when I go to bed, I feel a twinge of guilt that i didn’t do more with my kids. I always feel bad that I was too busy to bother. And there are easy ways to alleviate this. Like. Just draw a picture with them. It takes 2 seconds. And then make a big deal about hanging it up, or signing your names, or whatever.

It is honestly insane how doing one little activity with my kids makes me feel like a super mom. Get the crayons out. Make those boxed muffins. Race around your house 3 times. Anything. Sometimes it seems too hard for me. But you don’t need to paint a masterpiece to feel like you enjoyed your kids and they enjoyed you. 10 minutes is all you need.

7.) PREP IT UP

Listen. We make fun of those “perfect preppers” that meal prep animal shaped veggies that their possessed kids willingly eat. But, we can’t deny that they’re ONTO something. I make a tray of breakfast sausage and those crescent rolls almost every Sunday night. That way there is something immediately ready for consumption in the am. No prep needed (Yes. My kids eat cold sausage. Fight me). Maybe they’d prefer cereal, and that’s fine, but if those little shits refused dinner last night, they will act like they are ABOUT TO DIE UNLESS THEY EAT RIGHT THIS SECOND. And having something ready when I’m tired, grumpy, and have more kids than arms, barking at me, it helps. It is SO worth it. Same with lunch packing, anything. Just prep a little bit in advance. I feel like I could start a YouTube channel on motherhood after a Sunday of food prepping. It just makes me feel better. And remember, that’s the key here. Feeling less Shitty.

8.) THIS ONE IS KINDA F*CKED UP

I’m not ashamed to admit that I want to be the cool parent. I’m not, but I really want to be. One way I do this, is by adding something to our to do list and then eliminating it to my children’s freaking DELIGHT. “You know what?? Let’s skip wiping down the doors tonight guys. Let’s just grab our pajamas and play in our room for an extra 10 minutes!”

First of all. I was never planning to make these kids wipe down any doors. Besides the fact that the doors would end up messier than they were before my kids attempted to “help,” it’s just not something I’d make my kids do. But kids don’t know that. They also don’t know if I asked them to do it or not, bc they don’t fucking listen to a word I say. Unless, of course, it’s a swear word.

This one is so amazing bc it’s a twofer. The kids are like “omg mom is so cool tonight!” And so I feel like the cool mom. But also they’re in their pajamas.

Now. The key with mental manipulation, is to not do this every single day. Otherwise they’ll catch on. They’re smarter than you think. But it’s a damn good tool when I feel like I need to be a cooler mom with a smoother bed time situation.

9.) TATA TO THE TOXIC

This is my favorite. This is the one step that has really made my mental health better. Stop following people on Instagram that make you feel bad about yourself. You won’t miss them. There’s this one account that drives me FUCKING CRAZY. It’s all pictures of tidy rooms that are staged messy and long paragraphs about how motherhood is just such a JOY and #blessed. That’s fine. Great. But I look at that shit and I question why I don’t feel that way. Why my counter tops never look clean like hers do in EVERY.SINGLE.PHOTO.

Unfollow. Click it. Who cares. You don’t even know this bitch. She won’t even notice. And you won’t even notice either. You’ll just FEEL HAPPIER all of sudden and realize wow, must be the eliminating of toxic people. (Bc FYI, someone can be a wonderful person and still be TOXIC af to you. The two are not mutually ex

It’s important to do things for your kids. But it’s ALSO important to do things for your mental health. Not all of the extra stuff we do is about their feelings. Sometimes it’s about ours. Let’s do this. ❤️